OLD TWEETS II

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Wow Joe Biden gets older by the day
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 8, 2020

Favorite movie in the Planes: Fire and Rescuniverse? It's gotta be Cars (2006) for me.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 5, 2020

Well, it's looking like the election this year is coming down to either Donald Trump or Joe Biden
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 4, 2020

Biden and Trump have been in a vicious and unrelenting battle for months, but I bet the make-up sex is going to be incredible
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 3, 2020

Sorry @peta I am 100% going to eat this turtle. https://t.co/CNpQS73qk1
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 2, 2020

Spooky Halloween Fact: America was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 31, 2020

I’m having the same problem https://t.co/CxgadRSFbv pic.twitter.com/QyQozZIKvi
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 30, 2020

Lasso of Truth (2020) pic.twitter.com/O7hTLjaHfn
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 29, 2020

Hoping they expand the Zapruder Cinematic Universe sometime soon if you know what I mean
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 28, 2020

I cried hysterically the day I watched Marly & Me and everyday since and also prior
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 27, 2020

Gonna be so weird when this pandemic ends and we all go back to partying, attending concerts, brushing our teeth, etc.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 23, 2020

Remember that movie where if you try to watch it you die in 7 days?

Tenet
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 22, 2020

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, the evening TV? (Serious replies only)
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 20, 2020

Not proud to admit this but when 10year old me first heard the line “are we human or are we dancer?” on the radio I felt genuine existential dread
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 19, 2020

Finally decided to start reading the news and I now completely understand why everyone is scared and angry. pic.twitter.com/q5kKdBcXs7
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 14, 2020

Welp... 2020 is officially cancelled 😒 pic.twitter.com/8Kn2vyIqYb
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 26, 2020

Don’t talk to me about blacking out until you get “Stephen King writing Cujo”-level blackout
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) March 21, 2019

Hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave pic.twitter.com/kP75xT97RK
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 7, 2020

Interesting how Grammar Nazi and Grammar Police mean the same thing 🧐🤔
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 4, 2020

If I was in public office, this would be my first act of prison reform:

liquid soap.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 4, 2020

You only make 6 figures per year??? I make at least 1 figure every day😎
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 3, 2020

Every time I meet someone who buys into conspiracy theories, I try to out-crazy them.

Conspiracy Theorist: The government is producing chemtrails in the atmosphere to control the weather!

Me: Dude... The government isn't even real...

Blows their fucking minds every time.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 2, 2020

This woman outside my building is holding a sign that says "every time I say 'now' another person dies of AIDS" and she's standing there saying "Now...Now...Now..."

I am freaking out like STOP SAYING IT!!
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 31, 2020

Trump's latest immigration policy is sure to separate the men from the boys
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 30, 2020

Couldn't afford a prenup so my wife and I are embroidering His and Hers on everything we own
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 29, 2020

Diarrhea https://t.co/ssTN3Snvn7
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 28, 2020

There are two types of people in the world: Those who wipe the piss off public toilet seats even though it was already there before you got there because you don't want the guy who comes in after you to think it was you, and those who sleep well at night
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 24, 2020

Whenever someone on this app says "you guys I'm screaming!!" I immediately call the police to report the incident.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 23, 2020

Not sure I "understand" why everybody "says" I text "too sarcastically"
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 21, 2020

Ok wow did not have this one on my 2020 bingo card pic.twitter.com/GY8iDfueFa
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 19, 2020

Oh crap, we forgot to choose a Song of the Summer this year, didn’t we?
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 16, 2020

Next debate should be done over Zoom so we can mute Trump. And whoever figures out how to work their camera first wins
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) September 30, 2020

We didn’t match😒 pic.twitter.com/o3Pd7dNzkz
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) March 14, 2019