OLD TWEETS iv
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A true magician never reveals his salary
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) December 16, 2015
Not that anyone asked, but I've never kept a dream journal before
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) December 4, 2015
tbt when every1 played with webkinz and then like the chef or something started slicing the heads off the animals so we were like ok no more
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) December 4, 2015
Apparently the new iPhone is gonna come with the crack already on the screen to save us the trouble
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 14, 2015
If you're out at dinner and finish your meal way before everyone else, a nice way to save embarrassment is to shout "I win!!"
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 9, 2015
Do you want to take my poll?
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 4, 2015
@lyndseyydelouya proudest moment of my life🙂😢 pic.twitter.com/gTHqnUtM4r
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 24, 2015
so college is cool and everything but apparently we have to do work here also???!!!
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 20, 2015
Weezy F. Baby and the F, believe it or not, is for Francis
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 9, 2015
I can't wait 'til I'm old and it's socially acceptable to bring a chair into the shower
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) September 29, 2015
What's cool about college is that every party is an Eyes Wide Shut themed party
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) August 29, 2015
What's the deal with all these fireworks tonight?
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) July 5, 2015
Just saw Avengers 2! Easter egg: if you stay for after the credits............they kick you out of the theater.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) April 30, 2015
Darius McCray from Family Matters got arrested for not paying child support. I guess Family Doesn't Matters!
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) March 27, 2015
#50shades was so good I stayed through the credits. But that's also cuz I wanted to for everyone to leave before I stood up...😁
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) February 13, 2015
To everyone who's still tweeting "I haven't showered all year!"... it's getting a little gross at this point
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) January 12, 2015
whatever sick pervert has that voodoo doll of me out there, please stop doing that--right now is a really inappropriate time.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) December 13, 2015
" just trying to keep their eyes as wet as their vaginas"- an actual real quote from @NicholasSparks on what inspires him to write
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) December 4, 2015
Hey @neontrees I'm pretty sure all of EVERYONE'S friends are different people. You're not special
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 16, 2015
need a recommendation on a chipmunks movie. please help its impt. thanks.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 11, 2015
Sometimes you gotta take a step back and realize how lucky you are
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 6, 2015
what sucks about wearing a fake butt as your halloween costume is that everyone thinks its your real butt
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 30, 2015
Marty Mcfly had so many disturbing interactions with his mother throughout those films that Michael J Fox is still shaking from it today
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 21, 2015
I heard Madonna sucks at improv. I guess she's more of a material girl
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 19, 2015
holy shit. last night was a blur!!!! but thats probably because i forgot to put in my contacts
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 4, 2015
The cover art for Rick Ross's Black Dollar mixtape looks like a chipotle bag. pic.twitter.com/Z2XR8BLU0N
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) September 4, 2015
You know a person is wealthy when their paperweight is an object that was bought with the intent to be a paperweight
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) August 26, 2015
@ChipotleTweets one of your employees made a rip in my burrito. I'm not saying I'm gonna sue but I definitely am demanding compensation.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) May 23, 2015
You ever think someone is missing the lower half of their body and then realize, oh wait, they're just wearing camo pants
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) April 9, 2015
Fuck. @FATJEW stole my tweet idea😕 pic.twitter.com/OBZEHTlHfg
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) February 13, 2015
I bet nobody likes talking to Drake on the phone because he always records their conversations and puts it in all of his songs.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) February 5, 2015
Some teacher just farted in the halls then saw me staring at her, shrugged her shoulders, and said "Mondays..." 😂😂
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) January 5, 2015
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